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Savage Amy

After three years of infertility, I have finally become a mother...of boy/girl twins. This blog is meant to chronicle my experiences as I navigate motherhood, as well as serve as a love letter to my children.
10月8日

16 Months

B&B,

Sweet little angels...you are now 16 months old. You actually turned 16 months old 5 days ago, but I had absolutely no time to sit down and write my little monthly letter to you because I was too busy chasing you around. Then, at the end of the day when I would tuck you into bed, I crashed straight into the bed without so much as turning on the computer.

You exhaust me these days, but oh my God, could you be any cuter?

Baylee, you are now running around the house. How can it be that a month ago you were still tenatively walking around in a halted manner, and now? All out running at times. You've learned where your bread is buttered, too. It's "mama" this and "mama" that. When you wake up in the morning, you call out to me with your little scratchy voice, "Mama?" It comes out as a question, like "Are you coming to rescue me from my crib?" and I do, every single time. I bought you and Brayden a puzzle that has these big, wooden animal blocks in a farm scene from our school's book fair. Novice that I am, I only bought one. You have made this puzzle your new favorite thing, and you walk around holding all eight pieces in your two tiny hands and begin to shriek like a howler monkey if Brayden dares to pick one up on the occasions you happen to lay them down. Those animal blocks have come with us to church, shopping, and just for rides in the car. You also bring the duck one to dinner every night and it waits patiently for you to shovel in your food at warp speed so that you can get back to it. You have definitely become fascinated with animals during the last month-from the dog that roams the neighborhood and sometimes peers into our sunporch windows to the books you have that are about animals. You now say "woof-woof", "meow", and "quack", although your duck sound comes out more like you are trying to clear your throat. You have also become obsessed with books. Each night, as we sit on your bedroom floor before bedtime, I ask if you want to go pick out a book to read. You rise, grab my hand, and lead me to your bookcase in the closet to choose a book. We then walk back to our spot on the floor and read your book. I love our little bedtime routine.

Brayden, something happened to you over the last month. I'm not sure if it was the haircut or the fact that you are full of yourself now that you are walking, but you have unveiled a whole new personality. Once, you were my quieter child--the snuggler and the sleeper. Then....BOOM! You are completely wild now. You jibber jabber non-stop. You will say "bi-da", like, 2000 times in a row. Neither your father nor I know what it means, but you are very passionate about this word. You have also started with telling us no. You don't say it out loud, but you look up at us from underneath your gorgeous eyelashes and shake your head ferociously when we suggest something you don't agree with. And then you laugh. You absolutely know you are being cute. You also are the peek-a-boo champ. Anytime you hear the word "where", your hands fly to your face and you cover your eyes and peek out at us--it doesn't matter if I'm saying "Where's Brayden?" or just wondering aloud where I put the garlic press. And then you laugh. Your laugh is infectious and you spend almost all of our time together laughing at something you've done that you think is funny. Your personality has grown at a rapid pace over the last month; if it continues at this rate, there may not be room for both of us in the house. I'm pretty sure your dad would vote for you to stay, though, so you're safe.

I love you my angels. I can't wait to see what this month has in store for us.

Mama

10月4日

Freedom, Baby!

Baylee is walking full-time now, even running sometimes. She cracks me up--one minute I'll be in the kitchen cooking and the next second, I look up and see her toddling in all the way from her bedroom. Occasionally, she will take me by surprise because I thought I was alone. I just don't hear her coming like I used to when I would hear the little slap-slap-slap of the crawling.

Brayden is taking several steps at a time. He is so proud of himself. As soon as he gets up on his feet, he starts clapping for himself.

I know everyone has warned me about life as I know it being over now tht they are upright, but this walking thing is FABULOUS!

Suddenly, I'm not responsible for getting both of them where I need them to go by hefting them around. When I get them down from the high chairs after dinner, I just tell Baylee, "Let's go take a bath" and she waltzes down the hall to the bathroom.

Chris follows me to the daycare every single morning to help me unload both of them so I don't have to make two trips--except when he has an early morning meeting, which has happened twice. My grand vision of the next time this happens is that I will carry Brayden in while holding Baylee's hand.

I know there are bound to be situations in which I'll yearn for the days they were more easily contained, but right now all I can see is FREEDOM!

9月18日

Smart Gal

Baylee is learning what seems like a word a day.

Sunday, it was "yum yum" (pronounced "num num") while she was eating my roast, rice, and gravy.

Saturday, it was "uh-oh". I know she can use it in context, as evidenced by repeated exclamations of her new vocabulary word as she pointed at the guys in purple and gold AND THE GUYS IN BLACK AND WHITE and screamed, "UH-OH"!

Uh-oh, indeed.

9月17日

Trade In

We traded our baby boy in for a big boy.

On Saturday, the whole family loaded up and took Brayden in for his very first haircut. Gone are the mounds of ringlets your hand could get lost in. That look has been replaced by a haircut that makes him look like a big boy...and EXACTLY like his father.

The old look

During the cut

The new look

He's clearly proud of his big boy haircut.


Can you see the resemblance?

Hunger Strike?

I think Baylee is on a hunger strike. I'm not sure for what, exactly, she is striking--higher thread-count crib sheets?--but she is definitely not eating.

She has never been so sick before that she refuses to eat. Her sum total of food today is three spoonsful of yogurt. She turned down her favorite snack--a slice of cheese, as well as the fail-safe macaroni and cheese that I have always been able to get both of them to eat, even when sick. At dinner, I scooped out some macaroni and cheese onto Brayden's tray and began to walk over to her high chair to do the same. As I neared her, she began vigorously shaking her head no, as if to say, "Don't dare come near me with that crap." Not one to be easily daunted, I put a spoonful on her tray, which she promptly picked up and handed right back to me. I even tried to give her a bite of a snowball, which I have NEVER done because of the super-high sugar content, but I thought it may feel good to her sore throat. She wouldn't even consider it.

I feel so sorry for my little princess. Does anyone have any suggestions for getting a sick baby to eat? Should I just cut my losses and figure she will eat when she gets hungry enough?

9月13日

Part Time Worker

Remember when I lamented about how hard it was to work full-time and why-oh-why couldn't there be a need for a part-time assistant principal? Well, it seems as if, while still actually under contract to work full time, I've become a part time employee.

Exhibit A: I left early three days last week to get Baylee to the doctor for her series of Rocefin shots. Keep in mind it was only a 4-day workweek.

Exhibit B: I was out this Monday taking both kids to three doctor's appointments (ENT for Brayden, ENT for Baylee, and 15 month checkup

Exhibit C: Daycare called yesterday at 9:50 saying Baylee was running 101.8 degree fever. I sent my student worker to pick her up while I finished doing a teacher observation. By the time she unloaded Baylee and got her into the school, they had called and suggested I come get Brayden because he, too, had a fever of 101.8 They spent the rest of the day at home.

Exhibit D: I am at home with B&B again today because they are still running fevers, as am I now. Tomorrow isn't looking so promising, either.

You know the old saying: Be careful what you wish for?

Yeah.

40 Pounds of Love

*originally written 9/11/06

We had our official 15 month checkup today (take another sick day off of my total allotted). Baylee's official weight/height is 21 lbs., 3/4 oz./30 inches and Brayden's is 19 lbs./28.5 inches. While Baylee is at the 50th percentile (unadjusted) for height and weight, Brayden is at the 5th for weight and below the 3rd for height. This is the biggest disparity between their weights thus far. However, I'm not too surprised, as Baylee eats like a heiffer.

Even though Baylee can officially sit in a forward-facing car seat now, I'm going to wait until Brayden can, too, before I turn it around.

Both babies met most of the developmental milestones they asked about. One was if they had a vocabulary of 5-15 words--Baylee does; Brayden does not. He still says only Dada, MaMa, ByeBye, and Baylee. Also, neither of them can point to at least two body parts. Both know where the nose is, but that is it. We'll have to work on that.

In walking news--it is so strange. Baylee has been working for two months to get to the point she is now, and still she will choose crawling over walking the majority of the time. Yet Brayden, who only began walking yesterday, can take several steps in a row already. I guess he just wanted to wait until he would be good at it to even try.

You know how, as an employee, you may do just a ho-hum job at work day in and day out until another employee is hired and threatens to make you look bad? And then you start to bust your butt so your boss will remember how good you are? Well, Brayden is that newly hired employee threatening to make Baylee look bad. I guess she tired of all the applause she's been having lavished on her the last two months being diverted to Brayden. Prior to today, she walked about 30% of the time and crawled the rest of the time. Today, she walked about 80% of the time she was trying to get around and even walked from room to room. What can I say? The girl likes praise and is willing to work hard to get it if she needs to.

*Actually 40 pounds and 3/4 of an ounce.

And He's Off

And He's Off....

*originally written 9/10/06

Brayden took his first steps today--four of them to be exact.

He only began to stand on his own yesterday. Then today, out of the blue, he let go of the chaise and took four steps to me where I sat on the floor. He was pleased with himself and took great pride in joining Baylee and me in the applause.

Nightie Night

About three months ago, we began to encourage Baylee to become attached to a little pink satin blanket. While Brayden has his middle two fingers to suck when he wants to comfort himself, Baylee had nothing. Neither of mine were ever wild about the pacifier, and Baylee never tried to suck her fingers or thumb. Essentially, when she would get upset, she would hold out for a bottle, and we began trying to break both of them of the bottle (with the exception of the bedtime bottle) a few months ago.

I had seen how well my now 4-year old niece did with her little blanket, so that gave me the idea. I began by making sure to hand it to Baylee every night when we put her down to sleep. After about a month, I noticed that when I went to pick her up in the morning time, she would swoop down and grab the blanket before I lifted her out of her crib. Now, she drags it everywhere with her. She takes her naps with it at daycare.

Seasoned parents would know better: I have only one pink satin blanket. This only became a problem Friday night when I went to put her in her crib for bed and realized that the blanket was left at daycare.

My mind went into overdrive. I went looking for Brayden's blanket that is just like hers, but blue. It was in the washing machine. As I wracked my brain for anything similar we may have in the house, Baylee stood at the edge of her crib reaching out into the blackness for her blankie, howling all the while.

Erueka! I ran to my pajama drawer and pulled out the top to one of my...ahem...pair of pajamas. She went right to sleep.

And that, Mom, is why you found a nightie in Baylee's crib when you babysat them Saturday night.

Friends Forever

Friends Forever

*written 9/5/06

If anyone were to ask me, "So Amy, what did you do on Labor Day?", I would have to reply, "Laundry." Because that's really all I did. All day. The babies are sick again and just wanted to sleep, so I caught up on laundry while the rest of the world hung out at the beach and barbecued.

However, I had a long weekend of touching base with some of my friends, starting on Thursday.

I can remember that my mom used to tell me the best friends I'd ever make would be in high school. She was right in my case. I am part of a core group of about 8 friends that make a real effort to stay in touch on a regular basis, even though one is in New Orleans and one is in North Carolina. The rest of us live here, but don't get to see each other nearly often enough. In fact, over the last few years, our reunions have been relegated to weddings and showers. When we turned 30, four of us took a trip to the beach, and we're planning on doing it again for our 35th next year. For our 40th, we'll do something big like a cruise.

Anyway, five of the six of us who still live here got together for dinner Thursday night at a local restaurant/bar. It was so great to see everyone (without any kids) and catch up on everyone's lives.

On Saturday, I really had a reunion.

I was born in North Louisiana, and moved to South Louisiana when I was in 4th grade. My very first friend and I (friends since kindergarten) actually stayed in touch via long-distance until junior high, which was a very big deal back then when there were no cell phones with free long distance. Once we hit junior high, she came to visit for a week every summer, which continued through high school. Sometime during my college years, she married and moved to Germany, and finally settled down in Dallas.

Even though we only talked a couple of times a year (usually birthdays, hers and mine) for the next few years, we still stayed in touch via e-mail. Four years ago, she had twin girls. One year ago when I had my twins, our communication really picked up again because I needed to talk to someone who had experienced the NICU and lived to tell the tales. She was so understanding and reassuring, and I was so thankful to have a voice of reason and experience.

Saturday, she and her sister came to town for the first LSU game of the season and took time out of their schedule to come see me (and the babes). It was so awesome to see her again. As we visited, we were trying to think of the last time that we had seen each other and realized it was 11 years ago. Yet, we just picked up right where we had left off.

As an adult, I haven't really made many new friends. I have one good friendship from my college days, and while everyone at work would say I'm friendly and I would call many people there my friends, there are only a couple of "deep" friendships there. I attribute this to several things. As an adult, I'm so much more guarded. I can talk to anyone, but it isn't really about anything of substance. I'm more busy, which leaves little time to sink a lot of effort into developing new friendships. I'm more involved with my family/home life and really want to spend most of my spare time with my husband and children. But most of all, I really think I already have such great friends that I haven't gone out of my way to make a lot of new ones. Especially when the ones I already have can go weeks, months, and even 11 years without hanging out, yet make it seem like it was just yesterday we stayed up all night talking about boys and dreams of the future.

9月3日

15 Months

Dear B&B,

Today you are 15 months old. We celebrated by dropping you off with Grandma and Grandaddy after church this morning so your daddy and I could go eat a fabulous brunch at a new restaurant that had the potential to make me gain a pound or two because I wasn't busy working off the calories as I consumed them trying to keep you wrangled into a high chair.

Big-kid school has been back in session for 4 weeks, which means you've been in daycare for 6 weeks. Baylee, you have taken to daycare like a fish to water--you are smiling when I drop you off and grinning still when I pick you up. I think you view it as yet another place full of people to charm. Las Friday when I went to pick you up, I got the biggest kick out of watching you play inside the little castle, catch a glimpse of Mommy at the door, and barrel head first down the slide on your tummy to exit the castle and get to me. Initially I was so scared of the thought of you going into daycare because I was concerned you were too attached to me and would be miserable without me. Clearly, I overestimated my importance. As long as there are people around for you to show off, you are fine.

Brayden, sometimes it still breaks my heart to leave you at daycare. Occasionally, you still cry when we leave you. While you are usually playing happily when I pick you up, there have been numerous times the "teacher" has told me you seem to crave a little solitude and crawl away from the group to play with a toy by yourself. There's nothing wrong with that--I crave solitude sometimes myself. It has just surprised me because of the two of you, you are the one who is quicker with a smile and never reluctant to dive into the ams of a stranger.

As much as I thought I had your roles/personalities figured out and were sure my predictions of your reactions to daycare would be spot-on, you have both surprised me. I have a feeling this is just the beginning of you showing me I don't know it all.

Baylee, you are continuing to improve in your walking, but you don't want to do anymore than is absolutely necessary to get to your destination. Whether it is 4 steps or 22, you have the distance calculated and, upon reaching your target, dive forward and land on your hands. You still crawl a lot more than you walk, but you are getting better each day. Brayden, you are still showing little interest in walking. Though you will walk if we hold your hand(s), there is no initiative to do it on your own. No worries, though. I know you will do it when you are ready.

Something odd happened the other day. At church, I saw a man holding a newborn baby. For the first time, I didn't feel any longing or feelings of sadness that you are no longer helpless little ones. In fact, I only thought to myself how bad I felt for him because I knew he was getting no sleep and that he and his wife were in the throes of, in my limited knowledge, the hardest part of parenting--those first few weeks. As much as I dreaded you turning one and moving away from infancy, everyone told me that the best was yet to come--that it just gets better and better.

And it has.

I love you sweethearts,
Mama

I Knew It Was Too Good to be True!

*originally written August 30th

 

I spent last night agonizing over what B&B should wear for their first "school" pictures. I came up with about 4-5 choices EACH and had Chris help me choose the final outfits. I got up extra early this morning and ironed the clothes, we dressed the babies, and Chris fixed Brayden's still-uncut hair while I fixed Baylee's.

Chris dropped them off at daycare and throughout the day, I smiled as I thought about getting the proofs for their school pictures and placing a big order.

This afternoon, one of our parent volunteers who also works at the daycare came into the office and told the secretary (whose daughter is in the 4-year old class at the daycare) how pretty her daughter had looked for the "school" pictures that day. I stepped out of the copy room, beaming with pride, and asked, "How about mine?"

"YOURS!?!" she practically growled. "You will not be getting any pictures."

I laughed, thinking she was joking.

"Seriously," she said. "Baylee wouldn't allow herself to be pried from the daycare provider's arms, and everytime we set Brayden down on the drop cloth, he was traumatized. After three tries, we just gave up."

I am disappointed because they just looked so cute, and I was looking forward to having professional pics of them at this age because they've changed so much since their one-year pics. But I questioned the ability of the daycare staff to pull off taking pictures of all those babies. Point goes to the babies on this one.

Bite Me

*originally written August 28th
 

Scene: 1:35 p.m.; I am working concessions at my school

Student Worker: The church is on the phone for you.

Me: The church? (Mentally trying to recall what sin I've committed that could make them call me at work)

Student Worker: Well...the daycare*

Me: (picking up phone) Hello, this is Amy.

Daycare Worker: I hate having to call you, but Brayden was bitten on his back. It broke the skin and will probably leave a bruise. He's okay now. He cried a bit, but he's fine now.

Me: Um....was the perpetrator one of his relatives**?

Daycare Worker: No, it wasn't.

Me: Okay, so when are you expelling the little *bleep*?

*The daycare is at a church--one that I don't attend
**His cousin is in his class, along with, of course, his sister.

Big Boy

*originally written August 27th, but had trouble publishing.
 

 


B & B have school pictures on Wednesday. I know, how funny is that? I still haven't wrapped my brain around the fact that they are able to get 5 babies to sleep on mats at one time, and now I'm supposed to believe that they can get each baby to pose individually for a school picture and then take a "class" picture??? I'd love to be a fly on the wall. I would not, however, like to be there because then there is a possibility I might have to, like, help.

I want to get Brayden's hair cut before the pictures. Actually, I've been wanting to get it cut because I'm afraid the other babies in his class won't even bother to learn his name; they'll just refer to him as "that kid with the comb-over".

Unfortunately, this is one milestone for which Chris and I both want to be present when it occurs. Our schedules, however, don't allow for meeting up before 4:00 p.m. on any given day, which falls right in the middle of prime cranky-mood time for Brayden.

How bad was it to get your little one to sit still for a haircut for the first time?

*I just added the picture so you could see Brayden's hair. Please excuse the midriff shot of Baylee. We were just hanging out at home and the outfit I had put her in is apparently now too small. I didn't bother to dress her again since we were just at the house.

Yay!!!

*Originally written August 20th, but I was having trouble publishing to this site.

 

Baylee is walking. She's gradually increased from just a step or two at a time to being able to walk all the way across the kitchen. And she's so very proud of herself.

Evidently Baylee takes after me in that her love language is the same as her mama's--words of affirmation--because she will take two or three steps and if no one claps and cheers for her, she'll just stop and start clapping and exclaim "Yaaaayyyyy!!!" in her deepest and most emphatic voice.

I spent the entire summer trying to teach Baylee and Brayden to clap to no avail. When I was off Thursday, she just began clapping for herself and shouting "yay"--two things I was completely unaware she could do. I guess she was just waiting for an accomplishment worthy of showing off her new skills.

I have two weeks to teach her to say "Yay Tigers!"

Tubes In, Adenoids Out

*Originally written Aug. 20th, but this site was giving me so much trouble when I tried to add a new post that I just gave up.
 

Brayden got his tubes put in on Thursday. While the doctor was doing the surgery, she saw that the adenoids were enlarged and infected, so she removed those, as well. Everyone told me he is supposed to bounce right back from this, but he didn't at all. It's not that he's doing poorly; he is just very, very whiny and needy right now and not really wanting to eat anything but yogurt.

I took Thursday and Friday off to be with him and kept Baylee home, as well. (For those of you keeping track, that's 3.5 sick days in 2 weeks back on the job...wheeeee!) I was looking forward to catching up on my blogging and the blogs I read, but the Internet was down those two days at my house, so I just cleaned a lot. Hmmm...now that I'm writing that, I think maybe Chris made sure the Internet was down while I was at home. :)

I'm totally dreading going back to work tomorrow, mostly because I feel like Brayden is not up to par yet, but also because I slipped right back into that SAHM mode so very, very easily. I miss not being with my babies all day.

8月13日

Don't Forget to Tip Your Waiter

We enjoyed a lovely lunch with Chris's sister at this restaurant today. It was very enjoyable because of good company and phenomenal food. It's becoming more and more clear that I'm raising little Cajuns, as they enjoyed grilled tuna with shrimp, crawfish, and crabmeat. The babies were well (enough) behaved, even if Brayden's antics led to a talk that centered around speculation as to why, oh why, we've never encountered a restaurant high-chair with a seatbelt that can keep him contained.

The restaurant is a good distance from our house and the babies fell asleep on the way home. Chris and his sister tiptoed in, each holding a still sleeping baby, and gently set them down in their cribs. Cindy began gesticulating to Chris to try to communicate to him, and he shhhhsed her and motioned for her to hurry and leave the room. When they exited the room, Aunt Cindy calmly asked Chris, "Do y'all normally put her down for her nap without a diaper on?"

Whaaaat? Apparently as she was exiting the room she had caught a glimpse of Baylee's naked little booty peeking out from under her dress, which led to the aforementioned attempt to let Chris know SOMETHING WAS WRONG. She was awfully diplomatic about questioning our parenting skills when I'm sure she was screaming inside her head WHY DOES THAT BABY NOT HAVE A DIAPER???

Chris came and got me and asked if I had taken it off. I immediately began to try to solve the curious case of the missing diaper, tracing their steps from the babies' room back out to the car, finally looking in the car itself. No diaper. The car seat was, however, wet.

I went back into the house and said to Chris, "Please, please, please tell me we used cash to pay for that meal and not our credit card so they can in no way track down the parents of the baby who left a soggy diaper in her high chair."

Wager, Anyone?

So I'm thinking about starting a 'net pool on how quickly I'll burn through my 38.5 accumulated sick days. School has been back in for 2 days, and I've missed 1.5 of them due to my children being sick.

I mentioned a while back that Brayden had his fourth ear infection. We got it cleared up, visited the ENT last Wednesday (8/2) and signed consent forms for tubes. Chris was out of town, so I was going to call and schedule the actual procedure once we had a chance to coordinate schedules. By Saturday (8/5), after a Friday all-nighter with a screaming Baylee, I was back in the doctor's office with two children with ear infections. Chris took night duty with an inconsolable Brayden on Saturday and Sunday night. On Sunday night/Monday morning around 3 a.m., Brayden's breathing became worrisome, and we were back in the doctor's office Monday afternoon--teachers' first day back to work. I went to work that morning while my wonderful father took of of work to watch both babies, and after my presentation at our inservice, I came by the house, picked up Brayden, and took him BACK to the doctor, where Chris met me. His fever was up to 103.2 under the arm and his breathing was very labored and rapid--hallmarks of RSV. After a chest x-ray came back clear, he got a shot of Rocefrin (sp??) and we went home to monitor him. Thankfully, his breathing calmed down as his fever decreased. We went in for a second shot today and will get a third tomorrow. It was a very scary few hours, as we hadn't seen Brayden struggle with his breathing since we left the NICU. The doctor thinks the breathing issues were symptoms of his high fever and his pain from his ears, and so far this seems to be a logical explanation because he is much better today.

Tomorrow is students' first day back and I plan to be there. Chris is off on Wednesdays, so he will be able to keep Brayden home with him tomorrow. Hopefully he can return to daycare on Thursday.

Back to that pool--I'm predicting February 15th as the day I have to start dippping into extended sick leave.

14 Months

B&B,

Wow. 14 months. It still seems like such a short while you've been here with us.

Yet, it's been long enough that, in some ways, life has returned to "normal". One of the most obvious ways that life has returned to normal is my return to work. It's strange to go through my day-to-day routines away from home exactly as I did before you arrived. The main difference is that I actually have pictures of my own children on my desk now. My body has finally (mostly) returned to its pre-baby state, something I had begun to think may never happen. And best of all, your father and I have come to expect a full night's sleep again at night, something which will never be taken for granted again. (For the love of God, please don't let those words jinx me.)

Even as we slip into old, familiar habits and see flickers of our lives B.C. (before children), it's impossible to deny that our lives have been irrevocably changed in ways that I couldn't have foreseen, even while yearning for you. At the end of the workday, my heart starts to flutter and I get that quivering feeling in my stomach as I get in my car to go get you. I haven't done that since falling in love with your father almost 11 years ago. I look at you playing on the floor, and through tear-rimmed eyes, think about our little family and I get a feeling I still can't put into words because it's something I've never experienced before.

Baylee, the pride I feel each time you stand on your own and take a couple of steps exceeds any measure of joy I've ever felt for my own accomplishments. Brayden, when you crawl up to me and dive into my arms or look up at me and let loose with one your dimpled grins, I realize that all the years I dreamt of becoming a mother did nothing to prepare me for being "Mommy." There's an element of peace that is so pervasive in my life now that you are both part of it, that even all of my fears of the unknown--the future--can't offset it.

When you were born 14 months ago, it was truly the scariest day of my life. I had a difficult time seeing the joy in bringing you into the world almost 2 months before schedule and instead spent most of the time focused on my fears--that you were too small, too early, etc. While you did great, Baylee, many of my fears were well-founded for you, Brayden. For two months you fought through setbacks and obstacles until you were finally well enough to come home and join Daddy, your sister, and me on August 3, 2005. Though we celebrate your birthdays on June 3, I will forever think of today as the anniversary of the day we became a family.

I love you,
Mama

7月25日

You Can Remove the Knife from my Back Now

Drop-off this morning was superbly easy. I set them in their high chairs to have a muffin, and off I went without hearing a peep.

I managed to get out of work an hour early today because I had to drive my sister to a doctor's appointment, so I arrived to pick them up at snack time. They both started reaching for me from their high chairs, and I picked Baylee up first. As I was holding her, her caregiver walked by (a real grandmotherly type), and she dove---DOVE!---from my arms to her. Though I'm really glad she's happy there, my ego took a bruising today.

She Comes with a Warning Label

Here is the picture from B&B on their first day of daycare.

Instead of her cute little blue dress that perfectly matches her eyes, I almost sent her in these:


You know...just so they couldn't say I didn't warn them.

It Came, It Passed, We All Lived

When Baylee woke up at an ungodly 4:30 a.m. this morning, I was secretly glad. I ran and got her and told her she was in for a surprise--that Mommy wanted to cuddle with her before we got up to get ready for school. Ha! Joke's on me. She refused to lay back down, so finally Chris and I each turned our backs to her as she sat in the middle of us. Everytime I glanced over my shoulder to see if she was closer to going back to sleep, she stared back at me like Sitting Bull. Finally, she settled in but chose to cuddle with her daddy instead of me.

As I drove down the road to bring B&B to daycare for the first time with Chris hot on my tail, it occurred to me that there was one possible scenario I may not have considered that would allow me to stay home with the babies. Unfortunately, it was a little too late to fake my own death and escape to Greece.

When we got there, B&B had already had breakfast at home, so they went straight in to play. Brayden was fine; Baylee cried when we passed her off. We expected as much. Before I could even get to the coffee shop to drown my sorrows, the caregiver called on my cell and told me Baylee was fine and playing now. I, in turn, called Chris to let him know.

I got to work ready to buckle down, but as soon as I opened my office door, I felt like someone sucker punched me in the stomach when I saw two of their little sippy cups sitting on my desk--remnants of my last visit to work when they were with me. I missed them so much, so painfully.

At 11:15, I began to debate calling to check on them. I knew this was naptime and I really, really wanted to know how Brayden had done skipping his morning nap and how much of a fight Baylee put up going down. Before I could make a decision, they called me. To tell me Brayden had fallen and bumped his head. He was fine, but he's sporting a nice bruise now. No big deal, though--he does that around here all the time because he is a climber (and a faller).

When I went to pick them up, I could see Baylee through the window as I drove through the parking lot. She was in a different outfit (a spare) than when I had dropped her off, so I guess she got her dress dirty.

I entered the room expecting to hear angels sing and trumpets blare when B&B realized Mommy was back, but Baylee continued sitting on the caregiver's lap talking to her while Brayden laid on his side nearby sucking his fingers, obviously still a little outdone that he only got one nap that day. They didn't even notice me. It wasn't until I spoke that Baylee snapped to attention and Brayden rolled over to his other side to get a look at the woman who sounded like Mommy.

We came home and played, ate dinner, and had our baths. Maybe I'm imagining things, but B&B seemed sweeter tonight than they ever had. No whining, no temper tantrums--just lots of hugs and laptime. This may work out after all.

7月21日

Two Small Steps

When I picked B&B up from my sister's house after being in her care for a measly 5 hours so I could attend a work meeting, my niece couldn't wait to herald the news: Baylee had taken two steps.

"Nuh-uh," I said. "Did you see her?" I asked my sister. She shook her head to indicate that no, she hadn't seen her, but reiterated that Lauren had and she seemed really, really convinced of what she had seen. I called Lauren a liar to her face and said if I hadn't seen it, it didn't happen.

I just put in a call to my niece to apologize for calling her a liar. And for telling her to get her glasses checked. I am very mature after spending the last 11 years around elementary students.

After their afternoon nap, Baylee was showing off by standing unassisted for 20 - 30 seconds at a time, and I was clap-clap-clapping when she just took the two short steps it would take to be in my arms. I screamed, cheered, and clapped some more. Then I sobbed. Hopefully she will not be too traumatized by my reaction to try again for her daddy when he gets home.

Yay, Baylee!

Perhaps There Is Hope

At daycare, B&B will get one nap per day after lunch. We are required to purchase the Kindermats on which they are expected to sleep. When my mom and I were talking about B&B adjusting to sleeping on a mat vs. in a crib, we got a good laugh thinking about Baylee refusing to stay on hers. Brayden, I predict, will be no problem. He will plop his head down and go to sleep on the carpet if I don't put him in his crib at what he deems an appropriate time. Baylee, on the other hand, fights going down tooth and nail, and without a crib to contain her, we were playing out scenarios of her escapes.

I had another half-day of training yesterday, and I had our student worker (the one who will have B&B in the afternoon at daycare) watch the babies at the school.

When I called on my way back at 10:40, their babysitter told me they were both asleep in the principal's office on a pallette. My response? "What kind of voodoo magic are you practicing on my children?"

This bodes well.

7月16日

Trial Run

We began dropping B&B off in the church nursery for a period of one hour three Sundays ago as a trial run for daycare. I thought it would be good for the babies to be in a daycare type setting and it would allow us to see how they adjusted. I swear it had absolutely nothing to do with the announcement made by the associate pastor before the service exactly three Sundays ago that some people actually go to church to hear the preacher preach, and won't you please just give our nurseries a try???

After the first time, we went to retrieve the babes, and the lady who runs the nursery who had never laid eyes on our babies prior to that day said, "She's the boss, huh?" Glad to see Baylee won't compromise herself just to make a good impression. More importantly, though, they both did really well.

We did it again last Sunday, and again, they went to the workers easily and weren't in tears when we picked them up. Victory.

Based on the first two successful tries, I was really into Chris's plan to drop them off today as if we were going to church and instead jet to a nearby restaurant for brunch. However, when we dropped them off, there was a new system in place whereby they assigned you a number and a corresponding pager. They explained that if they needed us, the pager would vibrate and we were to hastily exit the sanctuary to come retrieve our inconsolable child. That ruined our plan, as I'm pretty sure they would be a wee bit suspicious if it took us 20 minutes to get to the nursery and we reeked of omelettes upon arrival.

I sat through the service grasping our pager, just waiting for it to vibrate. After all, I told myself, it's probably no coincidence that this system was put into place just after our kids began attending. We made it through the entire hour and went to get them. As we rounded the corner, we could hear two babies shrieking. I smiled with glee as I saw first a blonde little girl and then another little girl were the culprits. We found Baylee in the jumpy toy clutching a cookie and Brayden sitting on the floor right by her. As we gathered them up, the nursery worker said, "They were fighting over a cookie." Evidently Baylee won.

 
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